A few times in my life people have told me I was “really brave” for doing something that I didn’t find particularly brave at all. It was just….what I did. 

My brave actions have included: 

• quitting a full-time job with benefits to work part-time for hardly any money in an industry I was more passionate about
• public speaking
• moving to New York City by myself
• tiling my own bathroom
• being a professional fundraiser
• wearing red heels

I’m sure there are more – these are just specific conversations I remember where the brave word came up, where someone saw my life choices and must have thought, “wow, that’s something I could never try. Brave!” 

I guess these were all risks to some degree – I risked losing a lot of money, saying something silly in front of hundreds of people, twisting my ankle, etc. But at the time, I saw more potential reward, and I felt pretty certain that the outcome would be positive – even if it took a few tries to get there. I guess that’s why people take risks in the first place. 

Today I was listening to Trevor Noah’s What Now podcast and he said to his guest, “Thanks for trying, more than anything…We have become a society that punishes people more for trying and failing than rewarding them for trying in the first place, and I think that’s the first step. Because if you don’t try, you end up in a world where every politician says ‘don’t try, keep quiet.’” And it made me think about what constitutes bravery and what happens when we stop trying. 

I am so excited to see people I know trying new things, getting into new lines of work, starting projects, and even running for office. Sometimes it’s just for fun, sometimes it’s a heartbreakingly difficult journey, and sometimes friends are taking on new responsibilities and succeeding wildly. 

I started writing here as a way of trying. I have wanted to write more than grant proposals and marketing emails for so many years, and I haven’t made the time or space in my life to do that. These essays aren’t the novel I dreamed I would write decades ago, but they are the biggest commitment I have made to creative writing in so long, and I know they are leading me to re-align myself with an activity that brings me joy and hope; hope that I can become the person I want to be and that what I have to share will be of value.

I also recently joined a committee in my public school system – the Wellness Committee. We had our first meeting earlier this month, and talked about ideas for improving nutrition, physical activity, mental health, and communication for students and parents throughout the school system, at all ages.

The group is made up of several of us who just decided to try – because we have something to offer, and because we can. In our group we have educators, school nutrition specialists, a nurse, a mental healthcare provider, farmers and gardeners, a kids sports organizer, and people with public service experience. It was exciting to go around the room and hear how qualified everyone was, and what visions we had for our community.

I’m writing this today because there seems to be such a feeling of heaviness everywhere I look. Because every time I run into someone I haven’t seen in a while, they quickly admit they are not doing well, they are scared, they are upset, they are tired of seeing people fighting and feeling like they can’t do anything about it. 

When the world feels like a roller coaster gone off the rails, there is only one remedy I have ever found to right it: trying something different. If you have the capacity to try to work towards the world you want to see, I hope you do. And if no one else says it, thank you for trying.