I have not been able to help myself from looking at the endless internet discourse on Taylor Swift since the release of her new album. My Lord. People have some VERY serious opinions about these 12 pop songs. Some people think it is her worst album ever. Others are scanning her yearbook to figure out who her long lost love may have been.  And maybe she is the Illuminati, or whatever, and these songs will be the undoing of our modern world, but to my ear, they just sound like: 

1. Teenage grudge matches if they were between very rich and famous people
2. Super saucy fantasy songs about a new relationship written by the girl in your English class who did lots of extra credit work.

I think being on the internet too much really makes people take themselves much more seriously than they need to. But I also think, for the most part, it keeps us from getting to know each other. Online you are just that person with the hot takes, and not necessarily a neighbor or a parent, or a Door Dasher who sincerely likes Taylor Swift and just wants to peacefully enjoy the album in their car. 

The comments section made me think about where in life I’ve seen people get to know each other really well, beyond the surface stuff. Of course that can happen in families or long term friendships, but sometimes it can happen in just a few days between strangers. 

A few years ago, I went on a retreat for women in non-profit leadership. One of my favorite parts of the retreat came at the end, after we had done our workshops, journaling, shared meals, and walks outdoors. 

We were instructed to sit in a circle, and write something nice about everyone else. Then we went around the room and we all read what we had written about person 1. They had a chance to react, and then we moved on to person 2, etc. 

The thing that really blew my mind about this was how insightful and deep everyone’s comments were. We really paid attention to each other that weekend, and noticed some impressively wonderful things. There were of course some comments that really resonated: things people had heard about themselves before or recognized from their own reflections. But other comments were so surprising and revelatory. 

One woman told me that she loved how funny I could be, and appreciated seeing someone show her that a leader could be something other than serious, and how I could use humor to draw people to me, create relationships, and make people feel safe in a new space. I cherished that comment so much, because it made me see my sense of humor as a strength, or a tool I could use strategically, rather than just a crutch. 

There were two things I took with me from that exercise. One is that even in a short time, if you really pay attention to the people around you, you can learn so much about them, well beyond the surface stuff. It just requires seeing past yourself. And the second is that it’s never the wrong time to tell someone what you love about them. Sometimes it is exactly what that person needs, and if shared with good intentions, it can brighten someone’s day, and stick with them well into the future.